i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
