so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
