he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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