I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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