I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
