I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
