what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
