Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Buhtt sex?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
