Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize