I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
