NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
