I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
