Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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