Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
