he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
