just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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