Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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