Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize