508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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