I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
