fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
