its not stalking. its research.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
