I wanna bring you to show and tell
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
