I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
