I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
