It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
