don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
