So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
