You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
