so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
