non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
