if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
