weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize