I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
