My room smells like vodka and shame
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
