How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
