He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
