My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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