literally had 100 drinks last night.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
