Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
