I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize