Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
