If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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