eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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