My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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