My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
