trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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