And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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