My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
