just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is Oprah even human
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
