dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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