If i come over, it means nothing
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
