I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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