Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
