I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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