I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
