I showed him my bush... on skype.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
They are going to name an STD after you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
