i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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