I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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