I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
FUCK WHALES
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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