I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
