Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
