i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
