He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
