I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
