I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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