the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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