Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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