So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
