Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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