I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize