Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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