you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
