I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
COCAINE IS GR8
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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