How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
