so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
