you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
