Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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