in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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