I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
