I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
