i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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