She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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