Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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