I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
