Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
