toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
