So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
