all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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