i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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