just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I believe in your delicious
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He has the fingertips of a God
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize