matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
