He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
