I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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