If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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