I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
