My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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