this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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