Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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