people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
