Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Houston, we have a squirter
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
