NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The struggles of a small town man whore
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