I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
