That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize