I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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