worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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