Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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