I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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